Jekyll and Hyde

The Intertubes are abuzz with comments about an episode of the ABC reality show Wife Swap in which an earnest Missouri housewife trades places with an upscale San Francisco fitness counselor. Most of the comments are angry, and the anger is directed at the fitness counselor's husband, Stephen Fowler, a naturalized US citizen originally from Britain, who treats the Missouri woman with undisguised contempt. In the course of the hourlong episode Fowler impugns the poor woman's intelligence, education, appearance, and background, while castigating small towns, America's heartland, military personnel, the Pledge of Allegiance, and paintball. The whole episode has been uploaded to YouTube in segments, which is where I watched it; details, for those who care, can be found at the newly created blog Stephen Fowler Sucks.

Although I found the Wife Swap episode grimly amusing, I can't say I reacted with the same kind of visceral anger that many other people seem to be feeling. And now, having read an online apology offered by Stephen Fowler, in which he admits to behaving like a "jerk" and a "bully," I admit to having a certain amount of sympathy for the guy. Yet I had no sympathy for Christian Bale under somewhat similar circumstances. What's the difference?

For one thing, Fowler had been placed in a confusing and disruptive situation -- saddled with a substitute wife for two weeks while a camera crew followed his every move. Of course he agreed to this arrangement, but he probably didn't realize how stressful it would be. He was clearly rattled by having to share his life with someone whose sensibilities were so alien to his own. Bale, on the other hand, was working on a movie set as an actor, a job he has done since he was a boy. He has less excuse for behaving irrationally.

Moreover, Bale came across as psychotically angry and borderline violent, threatening to beat up the crewmember he was reaming out. And he used his position of authority to intimidate and humiliate a subordinate. Fowler, on the other hand, never became overtly angry or showed any sign of violence, and he and his substitute wife had more or less equal status in the relationship.

My take on Bale is that he is a prima donna whose every whim has been indulged ever since he became a child star, and that he has learned he can treat other people like garbage and get away with it. On the other hand, my take on Fowler is that he is a deeply insecure person who, when feeling threatened, retreats into a defensive mode in which he puffs himself up and tears down other people (while laughing inappropriately at every perceived challenge). What was on display in the Wife Swap episode was simply the man's naked ego, desperately striving to gain control over a situation it found intolerable.

I don't find it hard to believe that Fowler, viewing the episode now, is appalled by his own behavior, just as he says he is. We are frequently appalled by the things our ego is capable of. In a sense, all of us have something in common with Dr. Jekyll and his shadow side, Mr. Hyde; we can be astonished and horrified by the things that our ego sometimes does in our name. We look back at some particularly discreditable action on our part and wonder, "Did I really do that?" The answer is both yes and no. Yes, we did it because the ego is part of us; but no, the higher aspect of our consciousness that evaluates our action is not the same consciousness that committed the act in the first place.

The blog that brought the Wife Swap episode to my attention invited its readers to watch the YouTube clips and "enjoy your two-minute hate." It would be more productive to spend two minutes reflecting on the Stephen Fowler within ourselves.

Comments

[patrick prescott]

All of us wish or think things but have an inhibition to saying or doing them. The problem with stress, drugs, alcohol is they suppress our impulse control mechanism that stops us from saying or acting on the urge. That's when you might say the Id over rides our Super Ego and ego which keeps the balance swings the wrong way.
With Christian Bale his Id was in total control because he didn't think he had to control himself until it hit the fan and now all of a sudden he's sorry. Sorry he got caught.
With Fowler it might be more of letting off steam, or playing to the camera. He might have been encouraged by the producer to say things outlandish for better ratings.

[Michael H]

I agree with this entire post, MP, although I'd suggest that Bale is also a "deeply insecure person who, when feeling threatened, retreats into a defensive mode in which he puffs himself up and tears down other people."

Bale is tolerated because of his perceived talent, which is why he thinks he can treat others like garbage. Rather than indulge him - or the other prima donnas - those in a position of offering acting parts should just stop offering him parts. If Bale found himself offered little beyond Clorox commercials (he could gargle it!) , I'd guess he'd discover some humility rather quickly.

Those of us offended by people like Bale could help hasten the process by refusing to support his work, but as you suggested in the original piece on Bale - the public at large almost seems to expect celebrities to behave like asses, and apparently approves of it. 60 Minutes interviewed Coldplay's Chris Martin last night, and noted that he's been criticized by the British press for not being an ass.

This all ties in to the prevalent metaphysics of materialism, as well as the widespread ignorance of the dual nature of self, which you've pointed out as well. In this example, Bale is just a little more (OK - a LOT more!) oblivious to the higher self - or more ensnared by the ego than Fowler, which is evidenced by Fowler's expressed regret.

Everybody has a higher self somewhere - but it's sure hard to see that sometimes. It would be nice if more would learn to nurture that aspect, but it's difficult to nurture that which most don't realize exists.

[Barbara]

"those in a position of offering acting parts should just stop offering him parts."
-Michael H

Substitute: "those in a position of offering acting parts should cease to consider his financial drawing power."

Be real. We're not living in a utopia. Money talks first and loudest.

[Michael Prescott]

Bale is just a little more (OK - a LOT more!) oblivious to the higher self - or more ensnared by the ego than Fowler, which is evidenced by Fowler's expressed regret.

In fairness to Bale, he also publicly apologized for his outburst on the set. I suppose I'm just not willing to cut him much slack. He's a powerful person in the film business, and to quote Spider-Man's uncle, "With great power comes great responsibility."

Fowler, on the other hand, is just a deeply insecure guy who got in over his head on a reality show, lost all self-control, and made a fool of himself.

Part of the difference, I guess, is that I could imagine myself saying some of the hurtful things Fowler said if I were under a lot of stress, but I can't imagine myself going psycho like Bale.

One thing that still bothers me is how many people are standing up for Bale - not because of his apology, but in spite of it. Here's a comment from the above-linked article:

Who hasn't at least dreamed about going off on someone like that? No one. Bale rocks!

Yikes.

[Michael H]

I'm not willing to cut Bale a great deal of slack, either - to the point that I suspect that Bale's apology was motivated by an egotistical concern for box office fallout rather than genuine regret for behaving like an ass.

Fowler, on the other hand, probably really does feel bad - I'll at least give him the benefit of the doubt.

And "Yikes" is right.

Money talks first and loudest.

It does in a society that's constructed upon materialist metaphysics. I'm not living in a utopia, but from everything I've heard of Bale - including testimony from crew members on the Terminator set - one step towards utopia - for me alone - will involve foregoing Christian Bale movies.

I'm pretty sure the studios won't notice.

[Zerdini]

We have similar programmes in the UK also called Wife Swap and Celebrity Wife Swap.

Neither are in any way appealing.

People volunteer to go on these and similar programmes so they know what's in store for them. The programmes are heavily edited to make them 'entertaining'!

They are as popular as The Jerry Springer show.

[The Major]

The problem is it is so easy to judge. We could sit here and say Stephen Fowler is a decent bloke really, just a bit misunderstood and Bale is a monster.

However, is anyone that simple? When I read the Bale article I thought a couple of things:

Firstly, he was filming a major action scene, that probably would have involved him keeping his emotions at a high tempo. Unfortunately, when things went wrong he wasn't able to control them. I've heard similar stories about Robert Mitchum, Daniel Day Lewis, George Clooney etc, and they are regarded as generally nice guys who have to get caught up in the moment.

Secondly, the rant took place only days before an incident involving Bale, his mother and his sister. Could it be argued that he was undergoing something stressful in his life that allowed him to let rip a la Stephen Fowler?

Michael P, here's a question for you as a novelist. Do you ever find that what you're writing affects your mood?

Anyway, maybe one, maybe neither. I would hesitate though that the reason you may be sympathetic towards Fowler and Bale is because the former received a lashing in the press, and the latter didn't. Who doesn't love to support an underdog?

[dmduncan]

That show came on TV as I was sitting down to eat dinner, and I actually watched the entire episode, and I have to disagree with you, MP.

I'm actually more sympathetic to Christian Bale. He's been a movie star since he was a child, and he may have some anger management issues. Whatever the case, I think his melt down was more forgivable, coming from a loss of self control.

Fowler, however, was being deliberately cruel and insulting, and he was being that way from the very beginning of the show before he even met the woman.

He noted, for example, at the beginning that there were only a few places in America that he could live, eliminating the great central mass of the country as a horrific intellectual wasteland.

When the woman said he thought he was better than her, he stopped and brought up the size of his salary, as if how much money one has has anything at all to do with how good of a person one is. ???

He awakened his little son out of a sound sleep to make him either finish or redo part of his homework. It couldn't wait till the morning?

He kicked his kids out of his office when they were having fun, snapping at one of them "Don't you understand plain english?"

These are just some of the things I remember, in addition to him being a condescending, arrogant snob throughout the entire episode, and even afterwards, during the meeting of the two families, when he took some parting shots at them, saying that he hoped the other family's boys didn't come after him with a shotgun.

And, unlike Bale, none of it was said in anger but, if anything, out of a persistent, cold, calm hatred, that was far more ugly than Bale's outburst.

[Michael Prescott]

I don't doubt that Fowler is a snob and a jerk, but my impression is that he was thrown off balance by having his life turned upside-down, and that he retreated into infantile maliciousness in a misguided effort at self-protection. I think he was so uncomfortable around his substitute wife that he slipped into a bizarre, depersonalized mode of behavior in which he minimized her very existence - as if she weren't even there. To me, it looked like a defense mechanism run amok.

Also, I found his public apology contrite and self-aware. Of course he could be faking it in an effort to salvage his reputation and his wife's business. But I'd like to think he's learned something.

Even if he hasn't, the rest of us can learn something from him.

[dmduncan]

I had the sense that this poor woman represented to him everything that he hates about America——and he hates quite a lot of it, apparently, except for a few select cities——and that this was his chance to enjoy some sort of sweet revenge upon the great mass of idiots watching.

I mean, if I was on camera, I would be on my best behavior, not my worst. That his insults were so demeaning and continuous felt to me that he was making an example of her in front of a national audience about most of whom, perhaps, he held the same low opinion.

Was the TV show edited to make him look his worst?

Does he treat his real wife the same way?

Do we know exactly what stress Bale was under? There might be things going on that are not public, things off the set in his private life. What about drug abuse or medication? Does he blow up regularly or was this the only time?

[Sandy]

I don't watch a lot of TV. I guess I'm not missing much...

[Michael H]

Does he blow up regularly or was this the only time?

I mentioned in MP's original post on the Bale incident that a friend of mine worked on the Terminator set, and he claimed that Bale was the single most abusive person he'd met in his entire life. The CW among the crew was to stay clear. That's second-hand, but I don't see any reason for my buddy to lie about it - he's had mostly good things to say about several other actors.

[Michael Prescott]

I had the sense that this poor woman represented to him everything that he hates about America——and he hates quite a lot of it, apparently, except for a few select cities——and that this was his chance to enjoy some sort of sweet revenge upon the great mass of idiots watching.

You may be right. He's certainly an arrogant SOB - but perhaps less arrogant now that he has become the target of nationwide criticism!

I just watched the first part of the show, which I hadn't seen before (the first ten minutes), and it's true that his dismissive and snobbish attitude is on display even before he swaps wives. So maybe I'm giving him too much benefit of the doubt.

Does [Bale] blow up regularly or was this the only time?

Bale was arrested last summer for "verbally assaulting" his mother and sister, though his family declined to press charges. He seems to have a reputation as a hothead with a short fuse.

[Michael Prescott]

Here are some excerpts from an apology/explanation posted by Renee, Fowler's wife:

First and foremost, my husband very much regrets how he behaved during the swap. He is sorry for how he treated Gayla, he is sorry for insulting middle America, and sorry about the whole thing.

He did not want to do the show but did it only to support me, but the stress of it all got to be too much for him, and he had some extremely bad moments, and all on film. So, it's like having your worst faults, and your worst behavior at your weakest moments put together into a show and all of the redeeming bits excluded from that show. For the record, he is a dedicated, loving, caring father and husband, has a great self-depricating sense of humor. He never laughs so hard as when he is laughing at himself. None of this made it to the the show.

Also, I could say nothing on TV. The last thing on earth I would do was go on film criticizing my husband, life partner, and father of my children in front of millions of people, especially when the ONLY reason he was there was to support me. That's not who I am. If I had something to say, I would
say it in private. ....

I forgot to mention that my husband sent a letter of apology to Gayla shortly after filming ended on the main swap (before the follow up). He was acting a role for the show, playing a game, and unfortunately with the stress of the situation it deteriorated terribly and way beyond what he planned. Hence the apology.

Also, I would like to point out that you can't tell from the show what I did when, even when I put my head down in table meeting-because the editors spliced the sequences and a great deal of it is out of order. It wasn't as it appears. The table meeting was excruciatingly painful for me. Almost as painful as what I'm going through now. For example, I have a security guard in front of my house because of the
threats we have received.

I read this material here.

[william]

(Stephen Fowler) I think the universe, god, absolute, or whatever works in interesting ways. A few examples: I have a Chinese friend and her mom and dad were devoted communists even big Whigs in the communist party. He was an editor of a major communist newspaper.

The father has crossed over but the mother is still living and believes that all Americans are warmongers. Not half of Americans or even 95% but all Americans (save one). Every last one of us (but one). Now here is the interesting part her daughter lives in America and is a medical doctor and has married a retired military man and has a son that is half American and half Chinese. The daughter is as capitalist as anyone I know. From my point of view this is an interesting lesson for this Chinese mother. She now has a grandchild that is American.

Or the minister that preached that homosexuals are sinning against god and go to a place called hell and later in life he finds his only son is living as a homosexual in San Francisco. Again a profound lesson in life. I suspect or at least hope that this minister is rethinking his religious dogma (and maybe his own homophobia) that he taught as truth.

A father that talks about how Orientals that come to America always bring their relatives over here to live and low and behold his namesake grandson (the 5th) marries a woman from South Korea and this grandfather now has two grandchildren that are 50% oriental.

“for those who care, can be found at the newly created blog Stephen Fowler Sucks.”

“If you insist on making them little clones of yourself, then by all means.... take them the f… with you, you rude disgusting little limey pr..k.”

This was the last sentence of the first comment on the blog commenting on fowler’s behavior. Do you think this blogger may want to rethink his own level of consciousness and the control his own ego has on his behavior.

It is interesting to me that this above selected quoted comment was posted by someone that calls himself or herself “an average American”. If this person considered this the best comment so far on fowler is indeed an average American maybe fowler is on to something. By the way this blogger also reveals their superior IQ score. Indeed like attracts like in this world and beyond. From my point of view IQ should stand for intellectual quotient not intelligence quotient. Bet this blogger does not have a clue they may be more like fowler then they realize.

Mr. fowler may want to study the history of his own country and how it got and then lost its empire during the last two hundred years. It appears that greed and arrogance has a price.

“For example, I have a security guard in front of my house because of the
threats we have received.”

Nationalism and patriotism can overwhelm the rational mind. I suspect those threats are based in self doubt and self hate not self love.

[sonic]

I think haaving a camera crew follow me around would drive me nuts pretty fast.
When I was younger I was photographed 1000's of times over a period of a couple months. Eventually I had to get the cameras away from me.
I doubt that most people would realize how weird the situation gets before doing a show like the one mentioned.
(I'm not sure anyone- celebrities included- could ever get used to it)

[Zerdini]

As I said earlier it is virtually identical to the programme in the UK.

It is heavily edited and is purely for what the producers regard as 'entertainment'.

Other reality shows over here like 'Big Brother', 'Survivor', 'Castaway' etc are equally as bad but are watched by millions.

Not for me I'm afraid.

[Marcel Cairo]

Michael, I'm not trying to play devil's advocate here, but I believe one of your reasons for forgiving Fowler over Bale is your own personal history and relationship to Hollywood. You've been there, and you've seen the good and bad. So have I.

Christian Bale is a decent guy who had a bad few months. The incident on the set happened in July of last year as did the incident with his family. He snapped. Something in his life was going awry and he finally snapped - at everyone.

However, as inexcusable as his behavior was, snapping is not a fair assessment of Christian Bale's core and general belief system. He really isn't a bad guy.

I would rather see you write a blog entry about the Dick Cheney "so" comment and attitude that has pervaded his many hats and seasons in public office.

Dick Cheney has repeatedly exposed his disdain for people who have made a virtue of "fairness" and "pacifism." His coup is that he has done this in a quiet and controlled manner.

[Craig]

You know what they say about stress, and its ability to bring out the best, or the worst, in someone.
Personally, I avoid such shows in large part as I resent not only the clamoring for celebrity over substance that they perfectly represent within our society, but also, the gross way in which producers try to manipulate my emotions.
Although, there was that one time while channel surfing I was briefly hooked by a Jerry Springer episode in which a woman who professed to having a profound phobia of chickens was then chased around the stage by a man wearing a large chicken suit, until she was reduced to a blubbering mess! ...Which I suppose just goes to show the truth of the observation, "His men would follow him anywhere. But only out of sheer, morbid curiosity."

[Marcel Cairo]

Another interesting angle of the whole Christian Bale incident is how quickly his wild rant has become sampled into various pieces of visual art and musical mixes.

This dance club mix of his rant is totally incredible... I mean it is an extremely catchy and danceable dance "rave" mix.

Check it out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTihsJQHt48&feature=related

Public Anxiety=Emotional Art. Are we experiencing a new, modern renaissance?

:-)

[Hrvoje Butkovic]

Michael Prescott:
”The blog that brought the Wife Swap episode to my attention invited its readers to watch the YouTube clips and "enjoy your two-minute hate." It would be more productive to spend two minutes reflecting on the Stephen Fowler within ourselves.”

An outstanding conclusion! Our society would be much better served by the various websites offering the material in the same spirit. It reminds me of one of my favourite quotes from Kahlil Gibran: “I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.”

[william]

“yet the spiritual journey requires discovering that which has always been there”

Although it is almost always about operational definitions of words or concepts it appears to me that discovery is in the intellectual level of understanding whereas realization is in the realm of divine intelligence. Again operational definitions.

I also believe there is more than just discovering as we also gain divine powers as we “attain” these realizations until we become as gods. I suspect we are gods in the making and these gods may be responsible for much of the creation we see on earth and in the universe.

These are intellectual statements from my research. My point being just because someone is a mystic does not mean the journey is over. Far from it. But they may go to a higher dimension when they cross over because of their mystical experiences that have led to their deeper understanding of reality but they lack the creative powers of these gods with a small g.

“Those insights can range from a glimmer that provides a general sense of wellbeing, to the most profound realizations, which arrive with such force that we are left speechless”

I suspect it is those profound realizations that change our lives forever. We could not go back to the old way of thinking even if we tried. To my knowledge I have only had one of those profound realizations in my life and indeed it caused me to view an aspect of the world anew. And without that realization on variation I would have never discovered the origin of our ignorance. I.e. discovered not realized.

“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.”

Excellent example of one of the two ways to learn. One through suffering by being the talkative, intolerant, and unkind person. The other way to learn is through wisdom by learning from other’s errors. Most of us choose the first approach.

[Renee]

Thank you for your balanced assessment. I think you really get it.

[Vic]

Sorry, I don't buy your argument. Both men behaved in an inexcusable manner. You say Gayla and Fowler were relative equals? Nooooooo! She was out of her element and living in his territory. He influenced his kids to be passive/aggressive silent. He used his intellect to overpower her, and hid behind his high falutin' words to hammer her over and over.

He used as much abusive power as Bale, but in a different manner.

Abuse is abuse. No excuses. Fowler intimidated his kids using the same tactics as with Gayla. No excuses for either of these abusive assholes. Please.

[h miller]

you are an absolute jackass in every sense of the word. why are you bothering to make feeble attempts at swaying people's opinion of this man drawing comparisons to the bale scenario? every single family feels SOME nervousness & apprehension in that scenario that is wife swap. do you see anyone else reacting even remotely that rudely? if you're gonna write an opinion piece, great, just please be more reasonable in your "breakdown".

[Michael Prescott]

I believe one of your reasons for forgiving Fowler over Bale is your own personal history and relationship to Hollywood.

That's probably true, but part of what I know about Hollywood is that a big box-office draw like Bale is by far the most powerful person on the movie set. He effectively outranks even the director. He can get the director fired. And the director (like everyone else) knows it.

When a star uses his position of authority to belittle and denigrate a crew member, he knows he cannot be made to answer for his behavior. He is untouchable. Notice that the director of the Terminator movie said nothing during Bale's tirade.* Neither did anyone else. Bale had carte blanche to conduct himself however he liked.

A person in such a position has a special responsibility to treat his coworkers with respect. When he behaves as badly as Bale, I think he deserves condemnation.

--

*The director claims he was unaware of the outburst, which I find hard to believe. How can you be unaware that your star has interrupted filming to scream profanities for several minutes? Unless, of course, Bale misbehaved so frequently that the director had learned to ignore his rants!

[Vic]

I'm going to apologize for using the term "asshole," which I rarely use in a public forum. I want you to know that the compassionate side in me wins over the Stephen Fowler in me 99.9% of the time. I have worked for nonprofits for most of my adult life, sacrificing economic security in order to work with people who suffer from the effects of a similar psychological and verbal abuse that Stephen Fowler meted out to Gayla. This man had NO excuse for his behavior. Who cares if he was nervous? Gayla was a guest in his house and he treated her like dirt. A modicum of good manners would have steered him to behave better, but Fowler is too self-absorbed to remember what his momma taught him.

In his words he was well educated, aware, and in tune with the environment, and yet he lacked compassion. Worse, he taught his kids a similar lack of compassion. He placed a higher value on rote and acquired skills (education) than on a civilized and compassionate skill (empathy).

I did not watch the program but I did see a significant portion of it on YouTube and cringed. Christian Bale's outburst lasted 15 minutes. Fowler's abuse was portioned out over TWO WEEKS. I thought Gayla was a remarkably strong woman. She maintained her dignity and did not lash back. I would choose her to work on my team any day. As for the Fowlers? Shame on both of them for their final comments (they kept nothing that Gayla recommended - they could barely recall what she wrote on her list, which was to spend more quality time with their children.)

Facile apologies will never fill an empty void in an empty soul. I don't buy the Fowler's easy words. They're only parroting what they THINK the public wants to hear, but their sincerity is clearly lacking.

[Marcel Cairo]

There are so many versions of this story floating around. the only ones you should believe are from the people who were there.

You can listen to Bale's entire apology (as told to two LA DJs) on YouTube. It is actually quite a gracious and 100% honest apology. You will gain a lot more respect for Mr. bale after you hear it.

The Director, McG, has already issued his statement. He was standing between Christian and Shane (The DP), and thought it was best to let Christian blow off his steam. There was never any real threat of fisticuffs between the two. Mr. Bale apologized to the DP that day, and they continued shooting for several hours afterward. The DP was never under any real threat of being fired.

Anyway, the point is that we shouldn't be so eager to paint Hollywood actors with the same broad strokes that are used to generalize other groups. I honestly believe that Mr. bale made a huge mistake, but that this mistake is not indicative of who he is.

[Michael Prescott]

you are an absolute jackass in every sense of the word.

:)

every single family feels SOME nervousness & apprehension in that scenario that is wife swap. do you see anyone else reacting even remotely that rudely?

I don't know how the other contestants behave. I've never seen another episode of the show.

just please be more reasonable in your "breakdown".

Sounds to me like somebody else is the one having a breakdown ...

This man had NO excuse for his behavior. Who cares if he was nervous?

I'm not saying he was nervous. I'm saying he may have felt completely unnerved by the experience of sharing his life with a "substitute wife" and a camera crew. I think he basically panicked and retreated into ego-mode, which is a very ugly mode of behavior. In ego-mode we can say and do things that we later find appalling. Some people have even committed murder while acting on autopilot in ego-mode. This doesn't excuse Fowler's behavior, nor does it excuse murder. But perhaps it makes Fowler's behavior more understandable.

Rather than relentlessly trashing the guy, which only serves to puff up our own egos, it might be better to take a step back and ask what we can learn from his mistakes.

As for Christian Bale - well, I probably overreacted to his tantrum. I suppose if opera divas can throw fits onstage, movie stars can, too.

[Greg]

Mr. Prescott, you are an idiot. What Fowler did to his temporary "wife" is nothing compared to what he did to his wife and children. He used his kids as pawns and forced them to do his bidding. It doesn't matter if he was on TV or not, what he did horrible. There is no apology nor course of action that can make up for what he did. I can not believe the producers had anything to do with his actions. He attacked America and its citizens at a time of great dispare. I don't believe the show or network would encourage some jack a$$ Brit to attack the American people like he did. He is an embarrassment to himself, his wife and his 2 innocent children. Anyone who would spend 2 seconds feeling sorry him is just as dumb as he is.

[Anne]

Mr. Prescott, your article on this event is the most thoughtful and balanced piece of anything published. Thank you for your beautiful writing and your exquisite knowledge of the foibles of human nature. I agree we can all learn from Stephen's mistakes, and furthermore, the real-life man is more than what was portrayed on TV.

[Puppy]

I agree 100% with Greg. Fowler's parenting was on display and he desperately needs some help. Gayla saw it right away, "Spend more quality time with your kids." No wonder so many wealthy kids are arrogant and condescending. Both him and Renee need parenting help. You can see clearly in the kid's early reactions to Gayla that they were scared to do anything she suggested. Scared of the tyrant, no doubt. Then the kids start to take on his behavior, with his encouragement to treat Gayla horribly. I have no sympathy for these people, except for their children. The parents agreed to go on the show, obviously for exposure for Renee's counseling business and lo and behold we get to see behind the curtain and watch the hellish relationship she suffers with in private. It ultimately is a wake up call to check out your counselor as best you can. A fat-hating husband at home doesn't jive with a loving therapist who helps over-weight people. Clean up your own house before trying to "help" others. And, please let your children have friends over for sleepovers and enjoy the loud, joyous, chaos with them. Before you know it they will be teenagers and then off to college.

[Michael H]

It ultimately is a wake up call to check out your counselor as best you can . . . Clean up your own house before trying to "help" others.

This has little to do with this topic, but it's an excellent point. If the helper is unhealthy, their ability to help is necessarily compromised. It's pretty clear to me that many counselors are focused on removing specks in another's eye, while remaining oblivious to the log in their own.

They're innocent, too, though. Logs are hard to see.

[Michael Prescott]

Notice how readily some of the people who reject any attempt to understand Fowler use terms like "jackass," "idiot," "dumb," etc. Clearly these folks are very comfortable judging others, and they seem to enjoy it.

But I can't really criticize, because I did the same thing in my post on Christian Bale! I called him a "psychopath," a "thug," etc. And that was wrong, too.

[dmduncan]

I found h miller's comment interesting:

"why are you bothering to make feeble attempts at swaying people's opinion of this man drawing comparisons to the bale scenario?"

Almost always in my experience, this comes from a liberal mindset. Expressing your opinion——and one which I disagreed with, by the way——is seen as an insidious attempt to influence your readers' opinions.

I think the implication of this kind of comment is that we are all just dumb cows following a bull, and if it wasn't for people like miller speaking up about it, we wouldn't know any better.

Not that there aren't a great many dumb cows out there; every election is a roundup of the herd where one of two cowboys wins the head cowboy position by rounding up more cows than the other guy, but what, I wonder, makes miller think that we here, in particular, are farm animals?

I also think this is what is behind the liberal hatred of conservative talk radio. They really seem to think that the listeners just buy everything they hear and can't think for themselves. That even LISTENING to it to see what is being said endangers you, somehow, as if you are going to fall under the hypnotic spell of a Rush Limbaugh, and become a brain dead conservative zombie, and unless they go on a crusade to stop it, or have their own radio shows to produce brain dead liberal zombies to combat the brain dead conservative ones, then all the world is lost.

I wouldn't be pointing this out except that the more you fear speech, I think the more inclined you will be do do something about the speech "problem."

[dmduncan]

In fact, I think I've put together a good word to call people like h miller. He's an

opinophobe (o-pine-o-fobe), noun: one who fears different opinions.

[william]

“Mr. Prescott, your article on this event is the most thoughtful and balanced piece of anything published”

“Mr. Prescott, you are an idiot.”

Ya think god was on to something with this evolution of consciousness approach to expressing its one mind in an infinite variety of ways. I bet Greg has some problems with the love your enemies thing or do good to those that harm you or forgive seventy times seven or the meek shall inherit the earth or the well you get the picture.

Not that I don’t but it was interesting to read these two responses right next to one another. Different strokes for different folks. I suspect but don’t know that Greg is the religious one of the two. Or not, just a hunch.

“Anyone who would spend 2 seconds feeling sorry him is just as dumb as he is.”

It is called compassion Greg and yes Jesus and the Buddha would have compassion (not sorry) for him. They would even have compassion for those that flew through the twin towers and yelled god is great. But then they are on a whole different level of understanding then most of us. Ok all of us.

[Greg]

It is amazing that someone would take comments from a reality show, and from postings, and compare those to the hands of God. My comments were never religous in nature, they were about a man USING his children. A man who spits on the the ground and people of the country he lives in. The reason there is such a gap in society is because of EXACTLY what this man did. It is one thing to judge some else (As Fowler did), it is something completly different to teach and FORCE your children to do the same. I am not standing in judgement of him. It is a FACT, and ALL of you know it, that what he did was wrong. God may have compassion but, Hell is not sitting there for no reason. My compassion is for the innocent, not guilty. Fowler might have said, "I am sorry", but actions speak louder than words. If he did more than write an apology and resign from a few Boards, then I might have compassion. How many times has he called Gayla? How many kids, who can not read, has he gone to help? How many times has volunteered at the homeless shelter? I would bet the answer to all of those are ZERO! God might forgive all sins, but HE forgives all sins of those who repent. You really believe God has forgiven a man who has not repented for using his children to sin?

It ironic that someone would use the quote, "The meek shall inherit the Earth", to defend someone who hates and attacks the MEEK!

Gimme a break.

As far as "jackass", "idiot", & "dumb". They are just words to explain an idea. Would it have been better to use words that are more PC? I felt as thou I should follow the leader (Mr. Prescott) and use terms close to those of the original author.

By the way, I only got religious once someone else brought up religion.

[william]

“My compassion is for the innocent, not guilty.”

Please who is totally innocent step forward? Guilt is of the ego. The ego loves the concept of guilt because it is so self-confirming. The ego lives in constant fear of nothingness so even self-guilt gives it something over nothingness.

Jesus who demonstrated god like qualities is given credit for stating forgive them they know what they do. Do you think he was only referring to the innocent? He understood their ignorance and forgave them for their unawareness. That is compassion not judging who is innocent or guilty.

“You really believe God has forgiven a man who has not repented for using his children to sin?” yes well kind of. God’s grace is not about forgiveness that is of man not god.

As mark twain stated: god made man in his image and then man returned the favor. In one short sentence twain made a profound statement about man and religion.

“It ironic that someone would use the quote, "The meek shall inherit the Earth", to defend someone who hates and attacks the MEEK. Gimme a break.”

I fail to see where I defend this man it appeared to me that this man stepped on some nationalistic and patriotism toes and displayed just plain arrogance. Oh the price of arrogance. Nations have self destructed over arrogance.

What we sow we reap. That is the law of progress without this law I suspect there would be little if any progress in soul evolution. Just because someone has compassion for this man does not mean he can escape this law. Compassion is about understanding not forgiveness. Compassion is love in action and is a very rare phenomenon in this world. Most confuse sympathy and empathy with compassion.

“God may have compassion but, Hell is not sitting there for no reason.”

Oh how the ego loves to condemn others to hell. When we condemn others we condemn ourselves. Why would an ego condemn anyone to hell?

I suspect it is self hate projected outward, as it is too painful to deal with by looking into a mirror.

“A man who spits on the the ground and people of the country he lives in.”

Do you see why the framers of our constitution in their wisdom designed and developed our constitution to protect the rights of all who live here? They also designed a system to divide the powers of government as governments and religions will always seek more powers, as they believe they know the facts.

Lighten up Greg there is much to learn on this blog myself included. Just the recommended books might give you a whole new perspective on life. Certainty breeds ignorance or is it ignorance breeds’ certainty? :-)

[Michael H]

It is a FACT, and ALL of you know it, that what he did was wrong.

I don't think there are many here who would claim that Fowler's behavior was right, Greg. Still, MP's conclusion in his main post strikes me as dead on. We can condemn others forever without running out of material in our lifetime, and no one would have any trouble finding examples that make these two pale in comparison. Still, the question we can ask - as far as I’m concerned - is what is the best use of examples like Fowler and Bale - or worse? Are our choices limited to admiration - (see the “Bale Rocks!” quote above) - and condemnation, or can we learn something from them?

I’m not advocating moral relativism, but I do agree with MP that the last choice is the healthiest choice.

My compassion is for the innocent, not guilty.

I’d suggest that we have to be careful about the conflation of sympathy and compassion. Anyone who sees innocence in some and guilt in others is engaging in sympathy, not compassion. The two terms are differentiated by their emotional component. Compassion is a deep, warm, widely encompassing feeling, which tends to elevate the spirits of both the one experiencing it and the other person. Sympathy, on the other hand, feels uncomfortable to the one experiencing it - maybe best expressed as “Thank God that didn’t happen to me” - and tends to lower the spirits of both the one experiencing it and the other person. They feel different to the one experiencing the feeling, and they feel different to the recipient. Compassion leads another to experience hope, sympathy leads another to experience even more sorrow.

If we want to experience genuine compassion, we have to see the innocence of others; and if we want to see others’ innocence, we have to first discover our own. We’ll know we’re getting close when we find ourselves experiencing compassion for everyone involved – Fowler, Bale and their respective targets.

I can unequivocally state that I’m not there at this moment.

[william]

Michael H: brilliant overview of compassion and sympathy and a very tender response to Greg’s comments.

“Compassion leads another to experience hope, sympathy leads another to experience even more sorrow.” Amen to that statement.

“Anyone who sees innocence in some and guilt in others is engaging in sympathy, not compassion.” Well stated.

Someday we will all come to realize that we were all created innocent of our true reality. How could we not be we are of God the infinite source of pure awareness. Without our ignorance (unawareness) we do not exist as perceived separate minds.

“I can unequivocally state that I’m not there at this moment.” Me to.

When I started this research about 18 years ago I thought I was a pretty advanced in my thinking. After all I had a PhD, had taught at three universities, was an international consultant for a Japanese consulting organization and had been a keynote speaker at several conferences. Pretty neat stuff in my mind.

After a few years of research into the paranormal the pride came tumbling down. One soon learns that these earthly “successes” have little to do with soul development. I also used to think Jesus was some hippy living off the sweat of others with the free meals and all. It is a humbling and mentality painful experience to come face to face with your own unawareness.

I suspect that is when the real journey begins when one has to face up to the need for “me” to change and not spend your life seeing a need to change those around us. My observation was that we consultants were out to fix the world but paid little attention for our own need to change. But that is another story.

[Michael H]

Thanks for the comment, William.

It seems the trickiest thing about differentiating between sympathy and compassion is that I don't think we can know the difference until we've felt the difference ourselves.

I know that was true in my case. I was stunned to discover how warm genuine compassion actually feels - and to recognize that I hadn't felt it before, although I'd experienced plenty of sympathy - as both the sympathizer and the one sympathized with.

The emotional component that arises from genuine compassion is related to accessing our capacity for understanding, which in turns leads the other person to feel understood. The real payoff is that everyone involved feels better.

[william]

“I was stunned to discover how warm genuine compassion actually feels - and to recognize that I hadn't felt it before,”

Compassion from another came to me in a dream state that some call a visitation in a telepathic communication format. Unbelievable and more about understanding than feelings. Cannot explain it I know of no words to explain it. Maybe perfect understanding and perfect acceptance (cradled in a profound love) with the challenges I had faced in life and the underlying motivation behind my responses to those challenges.

Telepathic communication is really profound especially if done by an entity that can demonstrate such compassion. I have felt for some time that someone like Jesus or a Buddha not as religious figures but as masters could look you in the eye and you would feel that compassion and most would follow them anywhere and indeed some did.

“The real payoff is that everyone involved feels better.”

Feelings are good but sometimes we seek in the wrong places for those blissful feelings. To me the real payoff is to discern that there is something wonderful happening to us and we begin to see that we have only touched the surface of what our lives could be if we are able to “attain” these higher levels of love, compassion, trust, discernment, etc.

My point many see Jesus as a very sorrowful person taking on everyone sins but in reality he may have been a very blissful person most of the time except maybe when he dealt with his own human issues. I see a smiling historical Jesus not a sorrowful one. I also see the Buddha as a person with a gentle smile on his face most of the time.

So when I used such quotes as the meek shall inherit the earth, we reap what we sow, and love your enemies some may have looked at those statements as a religious statements but in my mind those are statements about the divine reality of soul evolution and the universal laws that exist to promote soul evolution.

When we reach a point where we love our enemies and do good to those that harm us and forgive seventy times seven I suspect we are very advanced in our spiritual progress as a soul and indeed very meek (humble) so a statement that the meek shall inherit the earth is a profound statement about soul evolution during a time when one powerful nation controlled the known world.

Look at the synonyms for meek and see how far off base we are in our materialistic world of competition and the attainment of power and wealth generation.

[Sandy]

I also used to think Jesus was some hippy living off the sweat of others with the free meals and all. It is a humbling and mentality painful experience to come face to face with your own unawareness.

William, it is comforting to know that I’m not the only one who finds the journey strange and sometimes painful. I’ve sometimes thought that hippies must rule the afterlife, because the people there never seem inclined to give a straight answer about anything. I still don’t know about whether or not there is a god. Me being the way I am seems more like an argument for dumb luck than for theism.

[Greg]

I just don't understand how two people can go on and on about their own enlightenment and quote from lectures they have heard or books they have read. I could really careless about how God or Jesus relates to Fowler. It is clearly obvious that niether of you have children. One of the first things I learned or was awoken to, when I had children, was they are more important than myself. I learned that it didn't matter what I thought I wanted. What meant the most was what was best for my children. The main issue I had with Fowler was how he USED his children. No one has made any mention of that. It is obvious how he manipulates and controls his children. His control would seem to teeter on abuse. You can have all the compassion you want for Fowler but, I choose not to. That's the great gift about life, we all make our choices. I chose to feel for the innocent CHILDREN more than some poor adult who we needs someone to hold his hand and show him the way. You know what makes me feel good? Knowing that every decision I make, that involves my kids, has their best interests in mind. Something Fowler is clearly lacking. Now it has trickled to all the other avenues in his life. The Board's that are worse off because he isn't there to offer his opinions. His wife who has to use her maiden name on one of her website inorder to distance herself from him and now she has closed her second site. Lastly, and the one I TRY to explain the most, his children who are mentally abused and probably have social issues now that is one of the most hated men in America. (I base that opinion on how many anti-Fowler sites and postings there are.)

KIDS! Don't you all get it? It is my opinion that if Fowler had not used his children there would not be as much backlash. Sometimes it seems there is so much information in the brain from getting a Ph.D that people forget the really simple things in life. Maybe I am just simple minded to think that I would rather brag about having a child that gets straight A's, who is very polite, would never see black or white, fat or skinny, is athletically talented and has a great personality, than brag about my own self awareness and the "pretty neat" things I have done.

But, hey, that's just me.

[The Major]

"Maybe I am just simple minded to think that I would rather brag about having a child that gets straight A's, who is very polite, would never see black or white, fat or skinny, is athletically talented and has a great personality, than brag about my own self awareness and the "pretty neat" things I have done."

How interesting to note that you put academic excellence first in a list of possible attributes for your children. Before politeness and personality even.

[Greg]

Actually...my son's homework and last weeks' test were sitting next to me on my desk as I wrote my last post. That's why it was first in my mind. Why does everything have to be about a Freudiam slip?

But, just goes to show here is another person willing to bash me and not comment on my main point.

[Michael Prescott]

Fowler is clearly setting a very bad example for his children. I hope his wife is able to counteract his influence to some extent.

Right now I'm reading a book called Toxic Parents, by Susan Forward, which was a bestseller in the late 1908s. It gives some excellent examples of how children can be damaged by parents who are abusive, intolerant, irresponsible, or simply negligent.

On the other hand, the orgy of anti-Fowler commentary across the Internet probably isn't helping his kids very much. And I don't get the impression that most of the commenters and bloggers are worried about the kids. A few are, but most of them - the vast majority, as best I can tell - are simply angry at having been insulted by Fowler's comments about "rednecks" and Middle America.