The other night, on the recommendation of a friend, I saw the little-known horror flick Monkey Shines, about a handicapped man whose "helper monkey" devolves into a vicious killer. It had a few good moments, but was a bit too convoluted for my taste. There were some effective scenes toward the end, when the hero is trapped in his house with the monkey and must use his superior cunning to gain the upper hand.
Earlier, the hero's friend, a lab scientist who supplied the monkey in the first place, comes over and finds that the monkey has gone on a rampage. The wheelchair-bound hero begs his friend to "call for help," but the friend foolishly decides to handle the situation on his own.
Too bad. That phone call is one I would've liked to hear. Personally, I think it might have gone ... oh ... maybe something like this ...
Friend: Hello, 9-1-1? This is an emergency. Yeah, there's a crazed homicidal psycho monkey loose in our house and she's trying to kill us. Uh huh, yes, crazed monkey. She's already killed, like, three other people. No, not a gorilla, a monkey. Describe her? She's about ten inches tall with a long tail and a wild sadistic gleam in her eyes. She's superintelligent and we think she has ESP. Hello? Is that laughter? No, we cannot take care of the problem ourselves. My friend is a quadriplegic and I'm a drug addict. A bunch of monkeys already beat me up once tonight. Yes, they beat me up in my lab, a whole slew of them. What's that? Well, yes, I am on drugs at the moment, but they're not hallucinogens. They're mind-expanding drugs that are supposed to make me superintelligent, like the monkey, and maybe give me ESP, also like the monkey. In retrospect, injecting myself with the experimental serum probably wasn't the best - Hello? You are laughing, damn it! I can hear a whole lot of people laughing. Am I on speakerphone?! No, this is not a prank call! No, I am not a naughty little boy!
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*The subject line refers to a fictional video game referenced in the late, great sitcom NewsRadio.
I'm starting to understand how you became a bestselling author.
Posted by: T.B. | July 14, 2006 at 05:38 PM
"Officer? No need to send any police over. The paralyzed guy just killed the insane homicidal monkey that was threatening him with a straight razor by sinking his teeth into her neck and crushing her windpipe."
Posted by: Bob Wallace | July 14, 2006 at 07:40 PM
Which is, in fact, what happens.
Posted by: Michael Prescott | July 14, 2006 at 08:26 PM
T.B., you're catching on!
Posted by: Matthew Cromer | July 14, 2006 at 09:45 PM
I finally read a Michael Prescott novel last month. For those who haven't yet, what a fine treat! The same quick wit and wry humor on display here is found in his novels (at least the one I have read so far).
Posted by: Matthew Cromer | July 14, 2006 at 09:47 PM
I could see that 911 call in a Hiaasen book. (Or a Michael Prescott book.)
I agree with everyone else. MP delivers the goods every time, with cruel wit and wry humor - and manages to scare you silly in the process.
Posted by: J. Carson Black | July 15, 2006 at 09:35 AM
MP, This is most excellent :)
Posted by: FloridaSuzie | July 17, 2006 at 10:18 PM