Seeing the light

I've been reading Richard Maurice Bucke's classic work Cosmic Consciousness recently, and it's reminded me of an experience I had when I was 17 years old. At that time I was rather morbidly fixated on the question of the meaning of life, which was tied in with the issue of my own mortality. I was torn in two opposite directions, Christianity and atheism. As a result, I alternated between reading books by the Christian philosopher C.S. Lewis and the atheist philosopher Ayn Rand. In many ways I gravitated more toward Rand's view of the world, but part of me wanted the assurance that seemed to come with Christian faith.

One night I was reading a book about Christianity -- not one of Lewis's books, I believe -- and I came across a suggested meditative exercise. The author said that direct personal knowledge of Christ was available to anyone who reached out and asked for it. It's been more than 30 years since this happened, so unfortunately I don't remember the book in question or exactly what the author said. But if I recall correctly, the meditation consisted of closing your eyes, imagining a closed door, and then seeing the door open and Christ waiting for you.

Though skeptical, I decided to try it. I did close my eyes, I visualized the door, I saw it open, and there was Christ. And then a most peculiar thing happened. All at once I had the subjective impression of a very bright light, reddish gold, warm and comforting, and with it came the sense that my fear of death was utterly unwarranted, that death was only an illusion, that immortality was guaranteed, and that all the world was suffused by this healing red-gold light.

I was shocked that the meditation had yielded this result and didn't know what to make of it, nor did I discuss it with anyone. For the next two or three days the afterglow of this experience stayed with me. At the time I was commuting into New York City to work a summer job, and I remember riding the train and thinking that the other commuters, all of them, were souls, immortal souls, bathed in the same surreal light I'd seen. One lunch hour I crossed a busy Manhattan street and risked being hit by a car; a traffic cop shook his head disapprovingly at me as if to say I'd cut it awfully close. My feeling, though, was that being hit by a car was of no importance at all. Life and death were illusions, and physical mishaps were unimportant.

As I say, I remained in this state of mind for two or three days, but gradually the aftereffects of my experience diminished and then disappeared entirely.

Now you might think that this revelation or moment of insight, or whatever you want to call it, would have confirmed me as a Christian or at least as a theist. Not so. Once the feeling had passed, I reverted to my usual rationalistic self. I dismissed the experience as some kind of odd psychological quirk. In fact, I was embarrassed by it. If anything, my embarrassment probably hastened my progress in the direction of atheism, and I ended up embracing Ayn Rand's philosophy for the next few years. For a long time I never thought about the experience at all.

When I look back on it now, I think I had a momentary and partial glimpse of what Bucke calls "cosmic consciousness." It was certainly not complete. I did not have a sense of the unity of all living things or of all creation; I did not feel at one with the universe. But I did experience what Bucke calls the subjective light and the assurance of immortality.

Why, then, did I reject it so quickly? I think that at such a young age, I was not able to process what had happened. In the teenage years the ego is still very much in control. To surrender the ego is almost impossible. It was easier to rationalize the experience and suppress it. In his book, Bucke claims that experiences of cosmic consciousness almost never occur before the age of 35. I think he may be partly mistaken about this. Based on my own experience, I would say that much younger people can at least have glimmers of cosmic consciousness, but because they are not ready for the encounter, it does not leave any permanent impression on them and therefore does not show up in the record.

(Incidentally, Bucke also says that experiences of cosmic consciousness generally occur in spring or summer; for whatever it may be worth, my own experience took place in the summer.) 

George Bernard Shaw famously said that youth is wasted on the young. Certainly in this case, he was right. I would give a lot to have an experience like that now, when I could really appreciate it. Unfortunately I had it too soon!

Some people might ask if this experience of mine makes me more partial to Christianity as opposed to other religious traditions. It doesn't, because I think the same kind of meditative practice, in the same circumstances, could yield a similar result regardless of the particular deity invoked. People have had experiences of cosmic consciousness long before Christianity and in cultures untouched by Christianity. An interesting example of a non-Christian encounter with a deity is presented in the Roman novel The Golden Ass by Apuleius. Although most of the novel is a fable, the closing pages appear to be autobiographical, based on Apuleius' initiation into the Eleusynian mysteries. There is an eloquent and moving description of the narrator's vision of the goddess Isis, an experience that transforms him. (An excerpt of the scene can be read here.) So, from a personal standpoint, I don't think it makes much difference whether one is focused on Christ or Isis or Vishnu or some other deity, and therefore I don't take the experience as proving anything about Christianity in particular.

One thing is certain: if we could all have experiences like that on demand -- if we could live in that reddish gold light (which I've never forgotten) all the time, the world would be a much better place.

Happy New Year.

Comments

[Matthew C.]

That's really quite fascinating.

I had a similar experience when I was 18 that also involved seeing light shining on / through everything and everyone, and feeling completely bathed in unconditional love.

Unlike in your case, it did have a huge impact on my life at that time, and going forward.

[Art]

"if we could live in that reddish gold light (which I've never forgotten) all the time, the world would be a much better place." - Michael Prescott
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But maybe that's the point? Maybe it's that way for a reason and we are not supposed to live in a perfect world? Maybe we are supposed to experience duality and separatino and pain and suffering? It's that stuff that teaches us what it means to be separate, unique, individuals - something that can't be accomplished in Heaven due to the constant feelings of oneness and connectedness. We are allowed just a glimpse or a taste or otherwise life would be completely unbearable, plus it adds more duality if some people are believers and some aren't, and thus causing more duality and separation. Separation, over and over and over again, in every way, shape, and form imaginable till our soul knows and understands what it means and how it feels to be separate and unique.

[william]

“One thing is certain: if we could all have experiences like that on demand -- if we could live in that reddish gold light (which I've never forgotten) all the time, the world would be a much better place.”

I think we will have these experiences on demand or at least more often at these higher spheres or dimensions that many call astral worlds. In this world some only get glimpses of these phenomena. You’re two or three days in that state of mind is an indicator of a mystical experience. I suspect mystical experiences come in degrees.

I believe the higher the vibration the more and deeper occurrences of these mystical experiences, the more bliss we experience. The mystics tell us the struggles were worth it in this life.

The CMC story was my favorite in Bucke’s book as her childhood thoughts were similar to mine. I was over 50 years of age before I ever told another person about those thoughts.

“But maybe that's the point? Maybe it's that way for a reason and we are not supposed to live in a perfect world?”

As Emmanuel states in his book one where would you go to school if your world were perfect? He also states that the world is perfectly imperfect. I suspect there is much wisdom in those two words perfectly imperfect.

If God made us perfect that would be cloning or duplication. How could an infinite oneness duplicate itself? Infinite one is infinite one no twoness can exist. What can exist is a perception of other (twoness) or more.

How can we create that perception? Well we are back to unawareness again.

[Timothy David]

You wrote:

"At the time I was commuting into New York City to work a summer job, and I remember riding the train and thinking that the other commuters, all of them, were souls, immortal souls, bathed in the same surreal light I'd seen."

I think your thinking was closer to Lewis's than you think. Lewis once wrote:

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship..."

I'm new to your blog, Michael, so maybe you could explain or direct me to some of your posts where you explain what you mean by "cosmic consciousness".

[MarkL]

Art said: Separation, over and over and over again, in every way, shape, and form imaginable till our soul knows and understands what it means and how it feels to be separate and unique.

And how much it hurts.

[Art]

"And how much it hurts." - MarkL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I was unique yet I was the tiniest part of the whole." - excerpt from Mark Horton's NDE, http://www.mindspring.com/~scottr/nde/markh.html

The more emotional the experience the more powerful and long lasting the memory it creates. It has to be powerful enough to overcome those overwhelming and infinite feelings of oneness and connectedness in Heaven; or otherwise we might lose our sense of "self." We might just merge back into the infinite oneness and cease to be separate, unique, individuals. Like being re-assimilated by the Borg collective. I think we come here to become "unassimilated."

[Michael Prescott]

maybe you could explain or direct me to some of your posts where you explain what you mean by "cosmic consciousness".

Cosmic consciousness (as used here) means a state of mind in which you feel at one with the universe, connected to God, certain of your own immortality, and convinced that everything happens for a reason and is part of a plan. It is also known as unity consciousness (and by other terms, as well).

Bucke's book details numerous cases of cosmic consciousness in such figures as Buddha, Jesus, St. Paul, Plotinus, William Blake, and Bucke's friend Walt Whitman.

You can find other posts of mine that discuss this topic by using the Google search feature on the left side of the screen, below the list of "recent comments."

[Art]

Cosmic consciousness (as used here) means a state of mind in which you feel at one with the universe, connected to God, certain of your own immortality, and convinced that everything happens for a reason and is part of a plan. - Michael Prescott
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are a bunch of really good examples of the above at the website below:

Mystical Experiences of Scientists:

http://www.issc-taste.org/arc/dbo.cgi?set=arc&ss=1

[Michael H]

One thing is certain: if we could all have experiences like that on demand -- if we could live in that reddish gold light (which I've never forgotten) all the time, the world would be a much better place.

It sure would. I even think it would be a better place if more could experience that for just one moment. I also think it's helpful to share these insightful moments, if only because it might help someone else realize that it's entirely possible for them as well.

I also agree with William that there are different degrees of mystical experiences. At the peak of my unity experience it occurred to me that if I were to go any higher I could quite possibly dissolve into the light that everything and everyone around me was immersed in, and I later learned that my experience included each of the ten "marks of the Cosmic Sense" that Bucke identifies in his book. Still, exceptional as it was, there was no doubt at all that no matter how profound, beautiful and perfect things appeared from that perspective, there was absolutely no end to it.

Incidentally, in my case the insights occurred in the spring, and I was 35 years old. I was not prepared for it at all, and I sort of doubt if anyone ever really can be. I'd love to experience it again, and I actually have experienced occasional glimmers over the years, but the full onset remains a singular event in my life. Still, Bucke speculated that Plotinus found that state of mind on seven different occasions. I have often wondered if it happens only if we're not looking for it. I wouldn't know - it's awfully difficult to stop looking.

Thanks for sharing, MP, and Happy New Year to you as well. And to everyone else, too.

[Bill I.]

Interesting exercise; thanks for sharing this Michael.

Your emotional state at the time may be next-to-impossible to duplicate, but this wouldn't prevent you from trying this again.

I'm likely to give this a whirl myself, but first I must decide who is behind the door -- certainly not the personage of the original exercise.

Then, too, maybe this could be a surprise, a bit like that old quiz show with Door #1, Door #2, and Door #3.

Bill I.

[Brian Joseph]

I had a spontaneous experience when I was 17 years old where an overwhelming sense came over me and I felt compelled to write to try capture it. I wrote several pages. When I read them the following day the feeling was gone and what I had written didn't seem like anything that I would write.

A couple of years later after experiencing many deep meditative experiences I was able to enter into the same state of consciousness that I had experienced spontaneously several years before. They weren't light type experiences but I think they were part of what lead up to a very intense and life changing experience of light that took several years to digest.

When I came across Bucke's book it resonated with me and I devoured it, reading it many times. Great reading for anyone interested in the commonalities of mystical experience.

Bucke also thought that humanity was evolving spiritually. And that those who had the experiences that he analyzed were steps ahead of the mass of humanity and that the number of people who had these experiences would continue to increase.

[Bill I.]

Brian: "Bucke also thought that humanity was evolving spiritually. And that those who had the experiences that he analyzed were steps ahead of the mass of humanity and that the number of people who had these experiences would continue to increase."

The book was originally published in 1901; such movements take time, while this takes place within oscillations or waves, endless steps forward and back.

This is very dance-like and is even called "The Dance" in reference to Nataraja or "Lord of Dance" within the body of channelled material I collected from friends and associates in the mid to late 90s.

A kind of "spiritual combustion" is involved, one person affecting another, this within groups, too, with an occasional great crescendo.

There was no Internet -- both a result and an accelerant connector -- when Bucke wrote. Note how those personalities who developed the new & necessary background theories lived at the same time as Bucke; Einstein, for example, published his paper on the photoelectric effect in 1905.

Spiritualism, electricity, "psychical research," acceleration in industrial technology, etc. -- then the cataclysmic Great War to set some things back a bit even while causing acceleration in other areas, everything thoroughly connected, then the pause of the Great Depression followed by Great War II: The Sequel.

The 60s, complete with the wailing of electric guitars, the popularity of mind altering substances, and all kinds of related activities, show renewed "psychic acceleration," until reaction set in.

Now, after dot.com boom and bust, rearguard neocon & fundamentalist Christian politics, and the beginning of the most significant financial crisis since the Great Depression, we are poised to enter & create one helluva moment, all part of The Dance.

I Picture Bucke ("Formerly Medical Superintendent of the Asylum for the Insane, London, Canada") smiling as he observes from afar.

Bill I.

[Brian Joseph]

There is a book that I have not yet read called, Cosmic Consciousness Revisited. It is about Bucke's book.

I also think that Bucke would be smiling... maybe saying .. "I won't say I told you so."

[Michael Prescott]

There is a book that I have not yet read called, Cosmic Consciousness Revisited. It is about Bucke's book.

I've read parts of that. It's a good book, but much of it deals with the developmental theories of Piaget, Maslow, etc., which aren't of great interest to me. It does feature a good summary of Bucke's work and some more recent examples of cosmic consciousness.

[sonic]

Art-
that is beautiful. I think you are on to something.
I have the type of experience Micheal discusses here often (I'm still waiting for the epilepitc fir to cease).
There are a number of attempts to get this kind of experience on demand- prayer, meditation, scientology, drugs...
I don't know of any that actually achieve the result- all above listed can work sometimes, but it seems we can only invite the truth. (We can keep the truth away- just deny it).
Contemplation of the source of everlasting love works pretty well BTW.
Good luck all.

[Brian Joseph]

I think that we are pretty much 'programmed' for cosmic consciousness in the same way that an apple seed is programed to become a tree and that the process of enculturation interferes with the program -- overlays with a different mode. I think that those who experience cosmic consciousness have the ability to heal or get back on track if you will. The process of evolution may be developing people who are resistant to total enculturation and/ or have a higher capacity to heal.

[Michael H]

I think that we are pretty much 'programmed' for cosmic consciousness in the same way that an apple seed is programed to become a tree

I'm reminded of Maharshi's comment that all one is looking for is to be in the natural state. What is interesting to me about his statement is that it essentially describes my state of mind during my own peak experience. I was just in the moment, nothing on my mind, evaluating produce in a grocery store . . . then the universe dissolved.

I have absolutely no doubt at all that every person on earth has the inherent capacity to experience the same or more. I'm also convinced that the reason so few do is that we have unwittingly convinced ourselves that we "know", in whatever direction that may apply.

Sometimes the simplest things are the most difficult to see.

"There are a number of attempts to get this kind of experience on demand- prayer, meditation, scientology, drugs..."

Chop wood, carry water.

[Jess]

Mr. Prescott,

Great article. A bit funny how things seem to repeat themselves. I was in high school (junior or senior year) when I had an experience where I was surrounded by 'red skies'. I remember the experience shaking me to the foundation. It was very beautiful, and I felt completely connected and happy. Anyways, few years later, I was thinking about death and was quite worried. I was at a concert where, at the moment of thinking about the red skies, the opening band did a song about red skies that I never heard before.
A few years later, I found myself again in that dark place, wondering about such things as death when I came across the red light segment of Bucke's book.
This morning, a couple of years after finding that book, I was driving to work, again in the mental state of doubt and fear. Been there for awhile, but in particular, this morning. I had this feeling that I really needed to check your blog. It's been sometime.
Just thought it was strange.
Thanks for your post.

Jess

[Teri]

"Chop wood, carry water."

For me, this is closest to the mark. A simple life takes us closer to what Michael H calls the "natural state". That's certainly the only time I've ever felt oneness with my inner self.

Perhaps when we recognise that our grab-it-all economies are bankrupt, we might just try it. Just so long as we don't chop down too much wood and end up treeless as has happened in so many parts of the world.

[Art]

from Jame's E's NDE:
It taught me that everyone, everything, is in its right place. Always will be, no matter how much we try to change, or try to destroy, or try to create, were simply doing exactly what was planned. The meaning of life, as I felt it to be, is simply to live."
http://nderf.org/james_e_nde.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wish I could figure out or find the words to explain what I'm fairly certain is true. It's very difficult.

Imagine that you are pure spirit. Living in a place where nothing exists, not even time or space. But yet you are a very powerful god who can create stuff just by using the power of your mind. The problem is that you have never experienced anything. You have never felt anything, you have never seen anything, or tasted, smelled, or heard, or felt anything. You don't even know what it means to be separate and you have no sense of "self." You exist as pure potential. Before you start creating you have to first learn what it means and how it feels to live in a place where stuff exists, and what that stuff looks, sounds, smells, tastes, and feels like. You have to learn about time and space and what it feels like to be inside a body.

It's like someone asking you to describe what an olive tastes like - but you have never tasted and olive in your life. But even more, they are asking you to create an olive - but you haven't even seen an olive.

Take making love for instance. If you had never made love to another person in your life there is no way you can say "I know what it means and how it feels to make love to another person." Just reading a book about it is inadequate, even watching a DVD of two people making love is inadequate. The only way to truly understand what it is to make love to another person is to actually do it yourself.

Life is full of things like that. You can't say you know how to drive a car if all you've ever done is watch someone else drive a car. You have to do and practice to truly "know it."

That's why we are here. We are here to experience life, what it's like to be alive and live in a physical universe, and one day after we cross over we will use this information to create our own heaven or hell. We will be gods.

[william]

“surrounded by 'red skies'”

About ten years ago while playing golf in another state while visiting a friend and that day while alone I looked up into the sky and saw the most beautiful cloud/sky I have ever seen. It was beautiful beyond belief or words, nothing like I had ever seen before or since. I looked in the local paper the next day but nothing about it. It was not an ocean sunset but in Blandinsville, Illinois in the middle of the day. Not exactly a place one would think of as having a cloud or sky of the splendor.

I have no explanation for that experience. My mind was very heavy with concern for my friend for some “issues” he was going through in his life at that time.

“We will be gods.”

My research indicates that indeed we are gods in the making. But there is often a but: we are our same sweet or not so sweet selves when we cross over. It appears there are several dimensions or levels we must pass though to achieve that kind of vitality and power to be capable of creating “things” that gods create.

We are actually in the co creation process now but not at what most would term the kind of creation that gods create.

Of course here is the paradox we were always gods but with different levels of abilities. Consciousness evolves not overnight but through a series of experiences that leads to realizations. It appears that as our awareness grows our abilities grow.

This is what my research into the mysteries of life indicates but that does not mean it is so.

[LM_Rose]

I read your musings with great interest. I had a "spontaneous experience" in the fall after my 16th birthday. My "light" however was white with a golden hue. I desired to enter in and become completely immersed in it. I was stopped and knew I must return for there was still work for me to do here. I have been fortunate since then to have many times of peace that passes all understanding. Recently, I was honored to walk to that door with my father as he was in the last stages of his battle with cancer. Although he rejected entering the door, the warmth and peace that was in my first event were present and even stronger in this second which happened in July of 2008. I am now 46, and the recent experience has strengthened my faith as well as pushing farther away my fear of death.

Thanks for your thought provoking blog entry.

[Sandy]

As a NDEr, I understand that feeling of losing oneself and gaining everything in the process. It is so addictive, that feeling. I often feel incredibly homesick for being where I was in my NDE. I’m fortunate enough to get glimpses of that light from time to time in this existence, but that doesn’t make me feel any less homesick. Sometimes I wish I had never seen it, so I wouldn’t know what I’m missing. I’m so frustrated that deep down I feel like there was a reason for me to see it and come back here, but now I’m here and I can’t remember the reason why.

I think it might have something to do with fear. I am afraid of some things, but not death. Reasonable people should be afraid of death, shouldn’t they? That would seem normal as far as I can figure. But I’m not afraid of death; the NDE took that away from me. I think that is what makes me different somehow. It’s why I experience the world differently from the people around me. Without fear, you lose your limitations.

I kind of miss my limitations, so I’m not convinced losing one’s fear of death is such a sensible thing to do. I may not be afraid of death, but I am afraid of being different.

[Michael H]

Sometimes I wish I had never seen it, so I wouldn’t know what I’m missing . . . I kind of miss my limitations, so I’m not convinced losing one’s fear of death is such a sensible thing to do. I may not be afraid of death, but I am afraid of being different.

I can relate to your entire comment, Sandy, especially the quotes above. Although I experienced a spontaneous realization rather than an NDE, I've found that reconciling an understanding of the transcendent with life on earth has its own challenges.

I kept silent for years before reaching the conclusion that all I could really do is try to embrace the experience and attempt to share what I understand to be true. I'm not at all sure that's the right conclusion, either. It's just the best I've come up with to this point.

Thanks for sharing. It's an aspect of realization that's rarely recognized or discussed.

[Sandy]

"I kept silent for years before reaching the conclusion that all I could really do is try to embrace the experience and attempt to share what I understand to be true. I'm not at all sure that's the right conclusion, either. It's just the best I've come up with to this point."

Michael H., I wish I could embrace what I’ve become. I denied the experience for years until I just couldn’t ignore it any more. I still wish I could just make it go away sometimes. I feel unworthy of the experience, and frustrated by my inability to accept it.

The people who believe in and actively seek out such experiences don’t understand why this is hard for me. I didn’t ask to be this way, it just sort of happened somehow. The people who don’t believe in such experiences would just think I’m a nut if I ever openly admitted to what I’ve been through.

If I had some way to fix whatever the NDE did to me, I would do so in an instant. I feel guilty, ungrateful and childish for admitting that. I wish I felt differently because there are so many positive aspects to my experiences. But I just want to be normal. Is that really such a bad thing?

[Michael H]

I feel guilty, ungrateful and childish for admitting that. I wish I felt differently because there are so many positive aspects to my experiences. But I just want to be normal. Is that really such a bad thing?

No, it's not. I've no way of knowing what you've personally experienced, Sandy, but for whatever it's worth, I think that many who have had transcendent experiences that are outside of what's currently accepted as normal have also had periods afterwards where they've felt just what you are describing. I know I have.

The real question, though, as far as I'm concerned, is exactly what is "normal"? As I've attempted to express in several recent threads, I perceived my unity experience at the time it occurred as entirely natural. It was only after I returned to a lower state of mind that I defined it as exceptional. What was troubling, and often still is, is understanding that what the bulk of humanity regards as 'normal', is, in actuality, entirely unnatural. In other words, you're already normal. You're just a little more natural than most everyone else is.

It's very difficult at times to reconcile a deeper understanding of reality while existing in a world whose occupants often deny the validity of such understandings. And you're entirely correct that those who seek such experiences, but are yet to experience them, don't understand. I'd add that they don't fully grasp what they are asking for.

(As an aside, the first person I shared the experience with, several months following, was a close friend who immediately asked how I got ahead of her. I told her I didn't realize that we were in a competition. Looking back, that's probably the answer to her question as well.)

The only advice I might be able to offer is to suggest that the answer to your dilemma is contained in the statement that “there are so many positive aspects to my experiences”. I’ve found that what has helped me is in making an effort to focus on the positive aspects of the experience - which was the entire experience. That said, I don't always manage to do so. There are still days that I'm a little peeved about knowing what I know, because I didn't ask for it either, and I was an unlikely candidate as well. That mindset seems to have lessened over time, though, and if it does occur, just remembering how positive the experience was tends to elevate my perspective. I might still be peeved - just not as peeved.

I guess what I'm suggesting is that you try not to be so hard on yourself. I think the emotions you're describing are really pretty common, and I can certainly tell you that I've experienced the same. I think it just takes time for some of us to integrate what we understand into our current life, because we aren't the same person we were before and it's impossible to go back to who we used to be. In the end, I think we just have to accept that there's no going back, and then decide what we want our new version to become.

I realize that you may not agree, but your last comment in The SuperConscious thread - ("I’ve found that acknowledging them, talking to them, and trying to be helpful is more effective in terms of getting them to move along than ignoring them is.") - leads me to believe that you're moving along better than you think you are.

[Sandy]

Michael H., I’m sure there are people out there who wouldn’t consider talking to one’s invisible friends a good sign. I’ve never met a bad ghost, if that’s what they are. But it isn’t easy to see how someone died, or feel how much they miss their family. I just keep telling myself there is no such thing as ghosts or mediums, but that isn’t working. I could handle the disconnect of the NDE. I can deal with homesickness for all of that beauty. But to experience ghosts in my normal everyday world… that’s a problem.

I don’t understand why this is happening to me. The last time I had one of these experiences, I saw soldiers who had died in an ambush in Afghanistan. The circumstances of their deaths were so terrible. But these men were amazing. One man who died when an RPG struck his vehicle actually tried to comfort a badly injured soldier, and even went around the battlefield offering encouragement to his men. He did this after he died. It seems so quick, that transition between life and death. One minute people can see you and understand you, and then you are invisible.

The ghosts continually raise the bar in my expectations of humanity. But I don’t really feel worthy to have these experiences. I’m sure it must be some sort of mistake.

[Michael H]

There's no doubt that invisible friends are frowned upon by the pubic at large, but what I meant was that despite your discomfort, you're choosing to respond with helpfulness rather than fear. Helpfulness is based in love, and I'd interpret that as a positive thing.

As far as whether there are mistakes, one of many aspects of the unity event that I've found difficult to integrate is that the perception experienced at the time was that everything was absolutely perfect as it is. I sure don't see things as perfect at this moment - I see plenty of imperfections.

One of the greatest differences between who I am today and who I used to be involves this issue, in that I now understand that solving the perceived imperfections involves elevating our states of mind. As MP wrote above, if everyone actually lived in the higher state, the world would be a much better place. If that was in fact the case, you wouldn't have to deal with war ghosts, because no one would find it conceivable to slaughter each other once they understood who they really were.

As a matter of fact, you might not have to deal with ghosts at all if everyone lived at that state of mind. We'd all understand our own immortality, and there'd be no reason to cling to earth following physical death.

As it is, we don't live in that state of mind, and I've little doubt that the prevailing philosophy of materialism could very well increase the ghost population. As you wrote above, the transition is often quick, not to mention subtle, and there is likely a great deal of confusion that results from finding oneself still conscious following physical death. The confusion could easily be severe enough to fail to recognize that they've actually ceased to exist in a physical sense.

What's really unfortunate is that the prevailing mindset is so strong at this moment that those who do have experiences such as you've described, or such as I've experienced, are dismissed or marginalized. I don't have any idea as to why some people experience deeper aspects of reality and others don't - I just know that some of us do.

My best guess is that there's a widespread shift in consciousness that's underway, and that it is happening in all sorts of different ways, across all cultures and religions, and that we're just a couple of examples of that. That's only a guess, though.

What I do know is that there aren't any mistakes, although I sure don't see it that way right now. I think all anyone can do is trust their own experience and try to do the best they can with what they do know. It's in that respect that I suspect you're doing better than you're giving yourself credit for.

[Sandy]

Michael H., you are right that many of them don’t know that they have died. At least the ones I seem to see are like that. Some do know, and have other reasons for sticking around. Usually those ones are easier to help. One lady just wanted me to help her rescue a lost cat. A kid who committed suicide wanted to know that he wasn’t going to hell. The lost cat was easy to fix, but I don’t even know if god exists, so religious questions are way out of my league. (I told him that I couldn’t imagine god being so mean, and that much is true. I’ve never seen any evidence of a mean god. Just mean people.)

I have a lady here right now who doesn’t understand why her family stopped acknowledging her. She is crying and in pain and is so sad because her kids grew up and now they can’t see her. I don’t think she wants to know that she has died. It seems like the kids could see her when they were little, so she used that to convince herself that she was still alive. I have no idea what to tell her. I only have a vague idea of her first name and I don’t how long ago she died, so I can’t show her an obituary to help her understand. (The soldiers’ uniforms had names and ranks, so it was easy to find memorial pages and obituaries.)

The thing is, I’m no good at this. I’m not a guidance counselor or a padre. I would much rather be playing with my toys in the lab, or outside playing in the snow. That’s why it just seems like a mistake. There are so many people who could be much more helpful than I am.

[Michael H]

There are so many people who could be much more helpful than I am.

I've felt that feeling, too. All I can say is that other people aren't in a position to help. You, on the other hand, are.

By the way, your answer to the suicide victim was pretty good, IMHO. I especially liked the comment that you've seen no evidence of a mean god, just mean people.

I'm also intrigued by the idea that her children were once able to perceive the woman who had died. I'm pretty certain that we're all born with a much greater understanding of the nature of reality than is currently recognized, and that it's because of the failure to recognize this that we get busy teaching children to learn their way out of it.

I think adults might be wiser to ask their children what they understand to be true, rather than telling their children what is true. Those who do might be surprised at what their kids can teach them.

[Sandy]

"All I can say is that other people aren't in a position to help. You, on the other hand, are."

So basically what you are suggesting is this...

It sucks to be me, lol.

[Michael H]

;-)