I write suspense novels but watch a lot of sitcoms. What would it be like if I combined my interests?
Hmm ... what would it be like? I wonder ...
Home Improvement. Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor is exposed as notorious serial killer Jigsaw, whose homemade torture machines have subjected dozens of people to agonizing deaths. In a related story, oddball next-door neighbor Wilson lands in hot water when the bodies of 37 schoolchildren are found in his crawlspace.
The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Affable newsman Murray Slaughter lives up to his name when he's unveiled as Minneapolis's dreaded Icepick Gouger.
I Love Lucy. When Lucy's "visit to her mother" lasts a little too long, the Mertzes investigate and find the zany redhead stored in two dozen mason jars under Ricky's bed.
Cheers. Carla's dislike for coworker Diane turns deadly when the overeducated barmaid's headless torso is found floating in Boston Harbor. Comedy ensues when her head ends up in Sam's bowling-ball bag. In a related story, Cliff goes postal and takes out everyone in the bar with an AK-47. He begins a new life in the cartoon voiceover business, where he meets up with Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor, a.k.a. Jigsaw.
Just Shoot Me. Finch picks up a prostitute with a prominent Adam's apple and becomes the latest victim of Manhattan's Crossdressing Killer. Elliott's successful investigation of the crime leads to a new career in law enforcement.
The Andy Griffith Show. When Aunt Bee's "visit to her sister" lasts a little too long, Barney investigates and discovers the lovable matron stored in two dozen mason jars under Andy's bed.
Seinfeld. The Soup Nazi returns from Argentina, ladling out death for Jerry and Elaine. Jerry's last words: "Didja ever notice how soup tastes like strychnine?" In a related development, oddball next-door neighbor Kramer lands in hot water when the bodies of 37 schoolchildren are found in his armoire.
Becker. Instead of flu shots, ditzy assistant Linda administers lethal injections to Becker's patients. She begins a new life as a street junkie, only to fall into the clutches of Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor, a.k.a. Jigsaw.
Everybody Loves Raymond. When Marie's "visit to her cousin" lasts a little too long, Ray investigates and finds the bossy matriarch stored in two dozen mason jars under Frank's bed. Robert moves to the suburbs to start a new life that isn't as funny.
The King of Queens. Father McAndrew is shocked when selfish, manipulative, child-hating Carrie Heffernan is revealed to be, in actuality, the Anti-Christ. In a related story, affable IPS driver Doug Heffernan lands in hot water when the bodies of 37 schoolchildren are found in his stomach.